Martial Arts Sparring

I take Americanised tae kwon do, and i just got my green belt, which means i start sparring. I’m usually a violent girl anyway, but when i start sparring, I PANIC! i don’t get it! i mean, i sort of do — i think i’m afraid of hurting the other students, but we’re all wearing safety gear. i know they definitely aren’t scared of hurting me (a runt hit me in the liver), and i try to hit them back, but i can’t calm down. my teach plays music, so i try to get my flow going with it, but my legs get tired from hopping around (which we do anyway) and i get a little nauseous after a while and have to take constant breaks. i was working up a pretty good technique where i was going to follow up with a kick, but … i choked. i need to calm down, i think, but i can’t, and i keep swinging (which is NEVER a good thing to do) instead of blocking and punching real slow. there’s this kid in my class who i’m determined to beat, and even though he’s arrogant, he’s really good. HE MAKES ME SO MAD!!! he’s actually my rival i guess. i have a friend there so i can spar with her, too, and she says i hit hard. i need some way to calm down without stopping in the fight, and i need to get out of the habit of swinging and panicking. how can i do this? i keep feeling like i’m disappointing someone and i don’t know who.
the reason he makes me mad isn’t really because i want to beat the crap out of him. it’s because he went easy on me. it hurt my pride. badly. and i try to put my heart and soul into two things: my martial arts and my writing. i have a rivalry that isn’t something like i want to kill him, more like i just don’t want him to be so arrogant. i understand the black belts going easy, but we’re the same belt. it makes me irritated that he went easy on me. i don’t care i get my @$$ handed to me, i’d rather he went all out.

and i don’t have a crush on him, it’s someone nicer.